With Your Toast, She Is Toast

(I’m in a cafe mid-morning. My rather young waitress looks a bit odd; she’s not looking right at me, and is leaning against the table as she speaks.)

Waitress #1: “So… Hi. What would you like to drink?”

Me: “Just a coffee, black, please.”

Waitress #1: “Coffee… Yeah, coffee. I think I need a coffee, too.”

Me: “Er… Okay. Do you want my food order?”

Waitress #1: “Oh, you know what you want? Hold on…”

(She writes on her notepad, stares at it, crosses something out, writes again, rips off the top page, writes again on a fresh page, then looks back at me.)

Waitress #1: “What drink did you want?”

Me: “Coffee. Black.”

Waitress #1: “Okay. Coffee. Yeah… Sorry, I was out all night with my mates at a nightclub. I didn’t get home until six o’clock this morning. I had to come to work at eight o’clock, so I didn’t even get to sleep; I only had time to wipe off my makeup. Can you see?”

(She leans forward to me and looks up, pointing at her eyes. This close up, I can see the remains of black eye makeup smeared across her face.)

Me: “Er, yes.”

Waitress #1: “I am so tired.”

Me: “Okay… Can I order food? I’d like some beans on toast, please.”

Waitress #1: “Yeah… Beans on toast… Yeah…”

(She wanders off to the kitchen, and a few minutes later a different waitress comes over with my coffee.)

Waitress #2: “Hi. I am so sorry; your order has been misplaced. Can I take it again?”

Me: *pointing to kitchen* “Is she okay?”

(Right then, [Waitress #1] comes out of the kitchen, throws her apron to the floor, and storms out the cafe door, swearing and yelling incoherently.)

Waitress #2: “…aaand she’s fired. Finally.” *big smile* “So, welcome to [Cafe]. Your coffee is free today. What else would you like to order?”