With Coworkers Like This, You’ll Feel Like A Genius

I have a coworker who is willfully ignorant. He has honestly said that looking anything up for your own information or curiosity’s sake is stupid and doesn’t serve any reason. “I mean, why would you want extra homework?” Here are a few instances of conversations with him.

Coworker: “I haven’t eaten pork in years!”

I look at what he is eating and then look back up at him.

Me: “Isn’t that a bacon cheeseburger?”

Coworker: *Confused* “Yeah.”

Me: “You do know bacon is pork, right?”

Coworker: “No, it’s not!”

Me: “Ummm… Unless a bacon product specifically says it’s beef, poultry, or other, it’s from a pig and thus pork.”

He looks at me in horror and suspicion.

Me: “Look it up!”

He eats his burger, and I see him eat other pork repeatedly from then on. He never says anything about it again.

The second conversation:

Coworker: “I hate getting eggs from the store. I’m always afraid that I’m going to find a baby chick in one or they’ll hatch in my fridge.”

Me: “Ummm… okay. There are three things wrong with that statement. One, chickens ovulate and lay eggs no matter what, whether they’ve been with a rooster or not. Two, chickens used for store eggs are not kept with roosters so the eggs are not — nor will they ever be — fertilized. And three, eggs can’t hatch in cold places like the fridge.”

Coworker: “I just don’t like them.”

The third conversation:

Me: “l wish I had the money to travel. I would love to go to the Mediterranean, Italy, or even Japan and Europe.”

Coworker: “It’s not worth it. It’s just a waste of money.”

Me: “Says the man who’s lived on three different continents in his twenty years of life.”

Coworker: “They’re all tourist traps! Waste of money! Too many people!”

I’m a bit upset at his condescending tone of voice.

Me: “See, here’s the thing. I have only been on a small portion of the west coast of this continent and one city in the Midwest. I have never really had much of a chance to travel, so it is something I would like to experience. I would love to experience different cultures and see the history of the world. If that is stupid to you, fine, but don’t call something I want to experience stupid.”

The fourth conversation:

Coworker: “Coffee is a gateway drug.”

Another coworker who is drinking coffee pipes up sarcastically.

Coworker #2: “Oh, yeah. I’m totally going to be shooting up the next time you see me.”