Wishful Hearing, Part 2

(I share a flat with my best friend and my boyfriend. My best friend and I are well known for being very intense. My boyfriend tends to be quite laidback and can handle it all very well. However, when we get too intense, even for him, he tends to zone out and just agree to whatever we say.)

Best friend: “We should totally just run London. The world would be so much better if we just ruled something.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah.”

Me: “We would totally make everything awesome. They would play Charlie the unicorn non-stop at Trafalgar square!”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, it would be awesome.”

(He hates Charlie the unicorn, so I figure he’s not listening to us anymore.)

Me: “Babe, are you on facebook on your phone, chatting up other girls because you think I’m insane and fat?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, you’re both, but mostly insane.”

(A look of absolute horror crosses his face as he contemplates what he’s just said. He gets up, grabs a spoon and heads for the door.)

Best friend: “Where are you going?!”

Boyfriend: “Digging myself a hole to live in for the rest of my life. It was fun knowing you.”