Wish You Could Weed Out The Bad Customers, Part 2
I handle the phones for a lawn spraying company. We treat for weeds or insects. We do not offer mowing or yard work of any other kind. The title of the company has the word “lawn” in it, but the rest suggests pretty heavily that this is a chemical spraying company.
Every year, when the advertisements go out, the phones begin to ring.
Me: “Hello, thanks for calling.”
Caller #1: “Yeah, I need my yard mowed once a week. How much would that be?”
Me: “We actually don’t offer that service, but I can recommend a few companies near you. Which city are you in?”
Caller #1: “I’ve had folks before who did a crap job. I want it mowed on the diagonal. Straight lines. Every week.”
Me: “As I said, we are a weed control company; we do not mow lawns. I do have the name and number of trusted folks who do that I’d be happy to share.”
Caller #1: “And edging. I have a fence around back and the curved sidewalk up front needs to be edged.”
Me: “Yes, but we don’t do—”
Caller #1: “And don’t leave clippings on the yard or the sidewalk. I want it all cleaned up.”
Me: “Yes, sir, I understand. But you are asking for something we don’t offer. We are a—”
Caller #1: “You don’t sweep?! What kind of company are you?!”
Me: “We are a chemical company. We do not mow or edge. We apply products to the lawn to keep weeds away. We fertilize lawns. We also offer several options of pest control.”
Caller #1: “So, how much would it cost to mow my lawn?”
Me: “I don’t know, sir, as we do not offer that service. We do not mow lawns.”
Caller #1: “Your ad says you do!”
Me: “Can I ask where you are seeing this ad? I’ll look into why there is an error.”
Caller #1: “It says [Company] Lawn & Pest.”
Me: “Yes. That is the name of the company. If you’ll notice, the tag line says, ‘Kiss your weeds good-bye.’”
Caller #1: “That’s false advertising!”
Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Is there anyth—”
The caller hangs up. Within seconds, I get my next call.
Caller #2: “I’d like a quote on services, please.”
Me: “Great! And you are looking for fertilization and weed control, is that correct?”
Caller #2: “Yes.”
Me: “Okay. If you give me your address, I can measure your lawn from here and give you an exact quote.”
Caller #2: “It is [address].”
Me: “Okay. I’ve measured your lawn to be just under 4,000 square feet, so we can treat that for—”
Caller #2: “No! My house is less than 2,000 square feet.”
Me: “I’m looking at it from an aerial view and it measures to just under 4,000 square feet. It would be—”
Caller #2: “NO! My house is only about 1,800 square feet.”
Me: “Sir, I’m measuring your yard, not your house.”
Caller #2: “My house is not over 2,000 square feet.”
Me: “I understand. But we will be treating the yard, so I have measured the yard. The yard is just under 4,000 square feet, so the cost for treatment would be…”
Caller #2: “What about only the front yard? What would that be?”
Me: “All right. Let me re-measure. Okay, the front yard is less than 2,000 square feet. Since our lowest price is just under what it costs for your whole yard, it would be a savings of only—”
Caller #2: “Thank you.” *Click*
It would have been only $4 less for the front yard but he never let me give him any figures at all.
Question of the Week
What is the absolute most stupid thing you’ve heard a customer say?
