Wish You Could Dell-ete

(I work on a busy sales floor. An urgent page goes out for a salesperson. My phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Big Defunct Computer Retailer]. I am [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need your price on a [Brand] computer, model [number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; we don’t sell [Brand].”

Caller: “Can you tell me more about [Brand]?”

Me: “As I said, we don’t sell [Brand], but let me tell you about our computer line. They are great, and I think you will find that they are as good as or better than [Brand].”

Caller: “I just really want to know about [Brand]. My company’s contract only allows me to buy [Brand].”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I can’t help you with that. Is there anything else you would like today?”

Caller: “I’m very disappointed; you should be able to help me with my [Brand] questions. This is very poor customer service!

Me: “Since you can’t buy from us, are you really a customer?”

(The “customer” grumbled and hung up.)