Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 45

This is one of many stories I have about a woman I had the displeasure of knowing. Apart from going camping alone and using her phone as a flashlight, this is one of the stupidest things she’s ever done.

This happened about four years ago. [Friend] was thinking about buying a laptop because she wanted to use a computer wirelessly instead of her desktop PC. She asked me for my opinion about what to get. I’m not an expert when it comes to PCs and laptops, but I have a good understanding of them.

I’d been friends with [Friend] for about three years at this point, and I knew that she wasn’t the smartest knife in the drawer, so part of me was dreading this. But on the other hand, I wanted to see how this would play out.

Friend: “I’m thinking about buying a wireless computer. What do you think I should get?”

Me: “Wireless computer? Oh, like a laptop?”

Friend: “Yeah, a laptop. But it has to be wireless.”

I tried to make sure I was on the same page as her.

Me: “You can use a laptop wirelessly, but it still needs to be plugged in to charge.”

Friend: “Plugged in? I’m buying a wireless laptop.”

She said “wireless” loudly and slowly as if I didn’t understand the word.

I gave up on trying to understand what she was getting at, knowing from past experience that it’s like talking to a brick wall.

Me: “Um, okay, then. What do you want to use it for? And what’s your budget?”

Friend: “I want to use the Internet, play video games, and do some video editing, so it needs to work fast. I can only afford about $300.”

(That’s Australian dollars.)

Me: “You’d be hard-pressed to get a new laptop that does all that for under $900. You might find a used one for that price, but I doubt it would be much good. My laptop cost $4,000 and it does everything I need it to.”

Friend: “Can I just have yours, then?”

Me: “What? No, sorry.”

This conversation went on for well over thirty minutes. She kept debating me about the price and not understanding why I didn’t just give her mine because “that’s what good friends do”. She ended up leaving saying she’d “figure it out herself”.

A few days later, I got a call from [Friend]. She was frantic.

Me: “Hey, [Friend]. What’s up?”

Friend: “I bought a wireless laptop yesterday and it’s stopped working. How do I fix this?”

Me: “What have you been doing on it? Have you downloaded something you shouldn’t? What’s on the screen now?”

Friend: “It’s black on the screen. I turned it on when I got home and set it up. It was working fine last night, but when I went to check on it this morning, it wouldn’t turn on.”

Me: “Okay, don’t panic. Bring it to my place and I’ll have a look at it. Bring the box, too.”

[Friend] lived two blocks away, so she arrived ten minutes later. She only had the laptop with her but no charger. I had a feeling that it was just flat, but I tried turning it on just in case. Nothing.

Me: “Where’s everything else it came with?”

Friend: “This is all that was in the box.”

Me: “Where’s the box?”

Friend: “I didn’t think I needed the box, so I threw it out.”

Me: “Please tell me you kept the charger? Bin collection was last night!”

Friend: “What charger? I bought a wireless laptop.”

Me: “Wireless doesn’t mean cordless. It just means that if it’s charged, you can use it without the charger until the battery goes flat.”

Friend: “What are you talking about? The man at the store said it was wireless.”

Me: *Internally face-palming* “It’s the same as your phone. If you don’t charge it, it goes flat, which is what’s happened here. You need to charge it.”

Friend: *Not listening to reason* “I’ll just buy a new battery. This one’s probably broken. Do you have a spare battery?”

Me: “A new battery? Do you know what a computer battery looks like? They don’t just sell them cheap at the store like remote control batteries. They’re expensive.”

She gave me a blank stare.

Me: “You needed that box. It has the charger, the instructions, and the warranty information.”

Friend: “But I didn’t need the box. I only needed the laptop. This is supposed to be WI-RE-LESS!”

I gave up trying to explain it to her, and she never asked me about computers after that.

I still don’t understand where her logic was coming from. I wonder if she ever got a charger? Who knows?

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 44
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 43
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 42
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 41
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 40