Winter Fat

(This occurs after a family meeting discussing the need for my brother, age 21, and I, age 19, to pay a little rent for oil in the upcoming winter months.)

Brother: “If we are helping to pay for oil, does that mean we can tell you to just put on some clothes?”

Dad: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “Let me handle this. Instead of turning up the heat while dressed as you are now—” *gestures to him only wearing boxer briefs* “—it would be more cost-efficient for you to put on a robe or some sweat pants or at least a pair of socks. For example: I got cold while I was downstairs. So, rather than turning on the kerosene heater, I just put on my robe and a pair of slippers to be comfortable.”

Dad: “Well, that’s different. I’m older than you.”

Me: “That gives you more clothes to choose from.”

(My mother and brother are trying as hard as they can not to laugh.)

Dad: “I have a different body make-up.”

Me: “Well… that’s true; you do have more blubber…” *shakes his extended belly* “But even woolly mammoths need fur.”

(Cue everyone bursting out laughing.)