Wined And Dined And Fined

(I wait tables at a popular Chicago Italian restaurant that gets a lot of traffic from Cubs fans on game day. Another waitress has a table full of young men who have come down from an affluent suburb to see the game. They’re very friendly, and charming, and drinking up a storm. She drops their check, and goes to serve another customer and comes back to find that they’ have ‘dined and dashed.’ We are required to cover our tickets, so she is now $100+ in the hole, and starts trying to pick up a later shift so she doesn’t lose money. A few other waiters head over to the bar where we usually go after our shifts. One comes back, bursting with excitement.)

Waiter: “Those guys who stiffed you are all drinking at the bar!”

(Our restaurant also happens to be a popular cop hangout. One of our regulars, a 6’9″ fierce-looking cop, who is sitting in the poor waitress’s station at that very moment, speaks up.)

Cop: “Can you take care of her tables for a moment?”

(The cop takes the waitress down the street to the bar, with several of us following to see the fun, and storms up to the group of young men.)

Cop: “Gentlemen, I believe you forgot to take care of something this evening.”

(Horrified, the young men frantically dig through their pockets and start throwing money at her. She ends up with a 50 percent tip!)