Will Tell The Truth For A Few Dollars More

(In the mid-’90s, I was to inherit a significant sum of money, but it had to be transferred electronically to a bank account. Since I had no such account at the time, I visited the corner bank and opened one.)

Me: “What is the minimum balance without incurring a fee?”

Bank Officer: “$100.”

(I deposited $100 to hold the account open. The inheritance was delayed longer than I expected, and a month or so later I discovered that my balance was $99! I visited the bank to ask what was going on.)

Bank Officer: “You didn’t have the minimum balance in your account, so there was a $1 fee.”

Me: “You told me the minimum balance was $100, so that’s what I deposited.”

Bank Officer: “No, you have to have OVER the ‘minimum balance’ or you are charged.”

Me: “Okay. Lesson learned. Please close the account and give me my $99.”

Bank Officer: “Oh, that’s not necessary. We’ll refund the $1 fee!”

Me: “No, I prefer to close the account. We’ve already established that you lie to customers, so I choose not to do business with you.”