Will Not Be Party To This

(My mother rents half of our house to students. It’s a shared accommodation agreement, not a lease or a rental agreement. It basically means they only rent one room, and we can kick them or any of their guests out at any time. My mother is away for the weekend and I arrive home one night to see our parking lot is FULL of cars, and the house is full of people. When my mother is gone, I’m in charge. I go into the kitchen…)

Me: “Excuse me, whose party is this?”

Random Person: “Oh, it’s [Renter #1]’s.”

Me: “And how many people are there?”

Random Person: “About seven or so?”

Me: “There are WAY more than seven people here.”

Random person: “Oh, the people in the backyard and downstairs aren’t us. They’re with [Renter #2] and [Renter #3].”

Me: “So… there’s three parties.”

Random Person: “Yeah, pretty much.”

Me: “And where is [Renter #1]?”

Random Person: “I dunno.”

Me: “So all you strange people are unsupervised. Great.”

(I call my mother and she tells me to get them out of the house. I find the renters each having their parties and get them on the phone with my mother, who tears them a new one and tells them to get out, and there will be no more guests allowed when she’s gone. I watch as they get into their cars and notice something.)

Me: “Hey, you there, getting into the driver’s seat. Weren’t you drinking?”

Driver: *doesn’t even look 19* “Uh… yeah?”

Me: “So you’re just going to drive off with a few beers in you.”

Girl: *in the backseat* “WELL, MAYBE WE WOULDN’T BE DRIVING DRUNK IF YOU DIDN’T KICK US OUT!”

(I hear one of the renters tell her to shut up, but I tear into her anyway.)

Me: “Well, maybe you shouldn’t be having parties and drinking on a property that you were never given permission to do so on in the first place? Besides, if anyone told you all you could stay the night, they lied, so you would’ve had to have left anyway. Who else has been drinking and was planning on driving?”

Random Person: “Oh, [Angry Person] had a few beers.”

Me: “And where is he?”

Random Person: “Just grabbing something. He’ll be out in a bit.”

Angry Person: *comes from inside the house* “Let’s go guys.”

Me: “Not so fast. Were you drinking?”

Angry Person: “No.”

Me: “Well, that’s not what your friends have told me.”

Angry Person: “No, f*** you! Let me tell you something, punk. We’re just trying to have a good time and you have to be a f****** mommy’s boy? What a piece of trash, living in your mommy’s basement.”

Renter #1: “Dude, let’s just go.”

Angry Person: “NO! F*** this guy, telling us what to do. We’re just having a good time! You have no f****** right!”

Me: “First off, we have every right to kick the renters and their guests out whenever we want; it’s in the agreement they signed. Secondly, drinking and driving is a criminal offence, and I’m taking down your license plate. Third, not that it’s any of your business, but I live in Toronto where I go to school, and am only here for the summer. Now I’ve stopped caring about you drinking and driving. Get the h*** off of my property before the police arrive.”

Angry Person: “F*** YOU! I DON’T WANNA BE HERE ANYWAY!”

(He got out of there pretty quickly when I threatened the police. I decided it wasn’t worth the hassle of getting the police involved, though in hindsight I should’ve, and the renters who had the party (parties?) were thoroughly screamed at by my mother when she returned. One of them left because he couldn’t take the pressure. To all students out there living away from home: treat your new place with respect, and don’t bring anyone into the house that isn’t going to treat it with the same respect, because it might just get you kicked out.)