April Feuds
(My boyfriend and I have been dating for nine months. In those nine months, we have ‘split up’ six times, in what we call our customary three-day fights. It is when we fight, say it’s over, don’t talk for three days, then we’re fine. We’ve gone our longest spurt without splitting, as we’ve been working on it. It’s April Fool’s Day, and I have a feeling leading up to it that he will pull a fake breakup. His biggest worry is me getting pregnant, even though my tubes are tied. He texts me in the morning.)
Boyfriend: “So, we need to talk.”
Me: “Yeah?”
Boyfriend: “You know what this is. I can’t do this anymore. I love you, but I can’t be in a relationship.”
(I text him a picture of three positive pregnancy tests.)
Me: “You have impeccable timing.”
Boyfriend: “That was a b**** move; LMAO.”
Me: “Fake break up with me; I’ll fake be pregnant.”
Boyfriend: “I was going to drag this out all day and call you at 11:59 tonight to tell you ‘April Fool’s’.”
Me: “And yet, it lasted all of three minutes. Ha! I call that a win.”
Boyfriend: “Yeah, yeah. Tiger’s blood. Rub it in.”
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