Just The Sound Of Phone Robots Is Something Quite Atrocious

(I’ve been discharged from the military and have moved back in with my parents. While they’re at work, I’m cleaning the house. The phone rings…)

Me: “Hello, [Residence].”

Telemarketer: *using generic male salesman voice* “Hello! I am with [Extremely Long and Complicated Company Name]! We are in the area for a free wire replacement! Would you like a free wire replacement?”

Me: “Are you a robot?”

Telemarketer: “No.” *long pause* “Are you aware that many homes are robbed because thieves cut the wire and rewire it for their own use? We are in the area for a free wire replacement! Would you like…”

Me: “Hey, hey, HEY!”

Telemarketer: *stops talking*

Me: “If you are NOT a robot, say ‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’.”

Telemarketer: “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you please repeat what you said?”

Me: “I said, ‘If you are NOT a robot, say “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”.’”

(The telemarketer gives a thirty-second pause, then laughs in the most mechanical way possible.)

Telemarketer: “Hahaha. We are in the area for a free wire replacement! Would you like…”

Me: “Nope. You didn’t answer my question, so you’re a robot. I believe in two strikes, not three. Goodbye.” *hangs up*