Why You Never, Ever Share Toothbrushes

Customer: “I need to return this toothbrush.”

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No — I thought it would work.”

Me: “How did it not work?”

Customer: “Well, it said it had indicator bristles, and when I peed on them they didn’t change color! How is it supposed to indicate if I’m pregnant or not?!”

Me: “Ma’am… they’re to indicate whether the toothbrush needs replacing, not whether you’re pregnant.”

Customer: *looks sheepish and leaves*

Me: *to manager* “I’m going on break now…”