Why Patients Run Out Of Patience, Part 2

(My buddies and I have just gotten into a car accident with a drunk driver driving down the wrong side of the road. We’ve been injured (I flew into the windshield because of a malfunctioning seatbelt) and have been taken to the hospital. One of my buddies has been put onto a stretcher next to me while we wait for a room.)

Me: “Dude, I can’t believe that we all got out of that okay! Thank God for that!”

My Buddy: “Military men are hard to kill! You know that.”

(My buddy proceeds to fist bump me from the stretcher. As he does this, the nurse overseeing us turns around.)

Nurse #1: “Y’all shouldn’t be celebrating you were in a drunk driving accident! Someone could have gotten hurt!”

(My buddy and I stare at her dumbfounded.)

Nurse #1: “Y’all shouldn’t be talking so loud, either. There are other patients in this hospital!”

(I move to speak, but the nurse storms off.)

Me: “Wow that nurse was a real b****!”

(Just then, a second nurse, Nurse #2, walks by as Nurse #1 moves my buddy to another room. Nurse #2 is just as rude as the first.)

Nurse #2: “Watch your language! And she had every right to be, with y’all carrying on and laughing! This is serious stuff!”

(By this time, I am in no mood for it. I’m bleeding profusely with pieces of glass stuck in my head. I undo the straps on my stretcher and sit up.)

Nurse #2: “Don’t do that!”

Me: “No, y’all have p***ed me off now! One, we were not drunk driving; we were hit by a drunk driver. Two, I know d***ed good and well nurses are not supposed to agitate patients like that, especially when they’re in serious condition! And, lastly, I just flew into a windshield at 60 mph in a head on collision by a drunk driver driving the wrong way on a road that’s set up like an interstate, and not only am I alive, I don’t seem to have took any serious damage besides my head, so I’m going to celebrate and be happy and praise God that I’m alive all I want!”

Nurse #2: *stunned*

Me: “And your friend over there separated me and my godsend of a buddy. When I got knocked unconscious, that was the guy who pulled me out! And you’re mad at us for celebrating? This is why people don’t want to deal with hospitals!”

(By this time, my other buddy from the wreck has walked up with some more friends who are concerned about us. Nurse #2 thankfully walks away. A little while later, a friendlier nurse apologizes to me about the other two while tending to my head. She even let me stay off of the stretcher!)