Why Is This Soda-mn Hard?

(A customer comes up, pointing at our self-serve, touch-screen soda machines.)

Customer: “These machines are awful! They don’t work! They’re broken!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Show me what the problem is and I’ll see if I can help.”

(I leave the counter and walk over to the machines.)

Customer: *placing cup down and pushing the ice button* “I push this and I get ice! But who wants just ice?! There’s no way to get soda with these stupid machines! What idiot thought that getting soda machines that only gives you ice was a good idea?! They must be broken or something!”

Me: “Actually, you pour the soda into the cup by pushing the soda button next to the ice button.”

Customer: “How was I supposed to know that?”

(They proceed to push the soda button.)

Customer: “Nothing’s coming out! I told you these machines were broken!”

Me: “Well, first you have to use the touch screen to select the soda that you want.”

Customer: *becoming more frustrated* “How was I supposed to know that?!”

(They then start haphazardly slamming their fingers into the touch screen, which is clearly marked with big bold letters that say, “Touch Screen to Begin.”)

Customer: “How does this stupid thing work?”

Me: “You just navigate the menu and select the type of soda you want, and then you select any additional optional flavor you want.”

Customer: *fuming* “How was I supposed to know that?!”

(The customer selects the “cola” option and then proceeds to press the button. They stop after a second and take a sip.)

Customer: “I WANTED CHERRY COLA!”

Me: “Did you press the cherry cola option?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Well, sir… you need to press the flavor of the drink you want before the machine can give it to you.”

Customer: “HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!”

(They turn back to the machine, and press the cherry cola button. They then hold down the soda button and refuse to let go until the cup starts to overflow, sloshing cola all over their hand.)

Customer: “GOD D*** IT! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME TO STOP?! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THESE MACHINES OVERFLOW YOUR STUPID CUPS?!”

(I flagged down a supervisor and headed back to stand, because I literally didn’t know what else to say. And the sad thing is, this sort of thing has happened to me two or three times a week since the new machines came in a while back. Is getting a soda really that hard?)