Why Did The Husband Cross The Road…

(I’m working the counter at a popular fast food chain. A lot of times we have elderly people come in from nearby retirement or nursing homes, often with a list of things to bring back. Today an elderly gentleman comes in with one of such lists.)

Me: “Hi there! Is this for here or to go?”

Customer: “Hello. This will be to go.” *places coupon on counter* “I would like to use this twice, please.”

(I check and see that it is a 2-for-$5 chicken sandwiches coupon. For these coupons, we need to input which sandwiches the customer wants before continuing on with the order.)

Me: “Okay! Do you—”

Customer: *continuing on* “—and I would also like.”

Me: “Actually, sir, I need to know which sandwiches you would like.”

Customer: “Oh. The chicken sandwiches.”

Me: “Yes, I know. But which chicken sandwiches would you like?”

Customer: “I would just like four chicken sandwiches.”

Me: *seeing he’s holding a piece of paper in hand and assuming it’s a list* “Do you have a list I can look at?”

Customer: *lifts up the paper and places it in front of me* “Well, my wife told me she wants four chicken sandwiches, a small fry, and two drinks.”

(I read over the short list. Indeed, it says, “four chicken sandwiches,” but not which kind.)

Me: “Okay, I’ve got the fry and the drinks. But which chicken sandwiches would you like for the coupon? We have three to choose from.” *points them out on the board* “We have [chicken sandwich #1], [chicken sandwich #2], or [chicken sandwich #3].”

Customer: “Oh. I just would like four chicken sandwiches.”

(I’m struggling at this point to keep my customer service smile in place.)

Me: “We have different kinds of chicken sandwiches, sir.”

Customer: “Do you?” *looks at the board again* “Oh. Well, just give me the best one.”

Me: *ascends to another plane of existence*

(I ended up giving him two of [chicken sandwich #1] and two of [chicken sandwich #3]. He and his wife must have liked them, because I saw them a few days later ordering the same sandwiches again!)