Why Contracts Are A Gazillion Pages Long, Part 2

Customer: “My phone is broken, but it’s only two months old. I need a replacement.”

Me: “If your phone is less than three months old, I can give you a replacement today. Just let me have a look at it.”

Customer: “Why do you need to see it? It doesn’t work, and I was told if it broke within three months I get a new phone straight away.”

Me: “That’s right, but there are conditions, one being that the phone can’t have any liquid or physical damage. I need to check for that.”

Customer: “Fine, here.”

(When I open up the phone, it stinks of alcohol.)

Me: “Sorry, this smells like it has alcohol on it.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I dropped it in the sink and I know you won’t fix it if it has water damage, but I didn’t have any ethylated spirits, so I soaked it in vodka for two days to dry it out.”

Me: “You’ve just ruined your phone, and now I can’t give you another one.”

Customer: “What?! This is ridiculous! You should be more specific when you sell phones! You need to tell people that they can’t soak it in vodka!”