Who Should Be More Offended: Women Or The Spider?

(My mom is always telling me that I should be more feminine. One day, my mom comes screaming out of the bathroom.)

Mom: “There’s a gigantic spider in there!”

(I go in, take a tissue, and brutally slam the spider against the wall, smashing it, and clean its guts off of the wall. I turn around and my mom is staring open mouthed at my calm demeanor.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I mean—”

(I flip my hair and drop the tissue into the trash can with a feminine flick of my wrist.)

Me: *in a high pitched, breathy voice* “Oh, my gosh. I can’t believe that I didn’t run out the bathroom screaming at the top of my lungs over a small, harmless spider.”