Who Says “Great Things” About Their Sandwiches If NO ONE SERVES THEM?

I stopped at a local diner that had been there forever. I hadn’t eaten there myself — it was on the opposite side of town — but I’d heard great things about their sandwiches. As it was three in the afternoon and between rushes, I didn’t take the dining room being empty as a bad sign, especially considering their bar was full, but maybe I should’ve.

The first waitress, a blonde woman, disappeared after seating me. I knew she was a waitress and not a hostess because while she was grabbing a menu for me, she asked if I’d seen the host and grumbled about having to seat people. She made it through offering me a drink and then vanished off the face of the planet.

Twenty minutes later, a second waitress — a redhead this time — stopped by.

Waitress #2: “In the future, you should wait for the hostess and not seat yourself.”

Me: “I didn’t seat myself; a tall, blonde waitress seated me. I’ve been waiting about twenty minutes for her to come back and take my order.”

Waitress #2: “Oh, I’m sorry! I can take your order.”

She did so, and then she vanished into the same black hole the first one had.

Around forty minutes after being seated, I still didn’t have any coffee, so I flagged down a passing busboy. He didn’t know where the waitresses had gone, either, but he brought me a pot of coffee and a mug.

After an hour, I was sick of waiting, so I walked over to the only employee I had seen in quite some time, the bartender. He apologized, offered me a drink on the house (a decent whiskey sour), and said he’d have someone right out.

It didn’t take long. There was shouting from the kitchen and [Waitress #1] emerged… to present me with my check.

Me: “I’m sorry, but where’s my food?”

Waitress #1: “Your food?”

Me: “I ordered a Reuben and fries. I’m still waiting for them.”

Waitress #1: “[Name] brought those to you with your coffee.”

Me: “A busboy brought me the coffee. And if you mean the redhead, I haven’t seen her since she took my order over forty minutes ago.”

She made a face at me and stomped off to the kitchen, and I took the time to look at my check. I was charged $1.65 for coffee, $7.95 for a Reuben, $2.95 for a side of fries, and $24 for “Miscellaneous” and “Liquor”. And they had added 25% of automatic gratuity!

LOL.

I gave up, plunked $1.65 in the smallest loose change I had down on the table, and walked across the parking lot to a fast food place.