Whipped Cream And Pee Jars And Tag, Oh My!

, , , , , | Learning | September 10, 2017

(I am one of three RAs in a freshman dorm. I am talking to one of the SRAs (Senior RA) as my shift ends, when I see three freshman residents exiting the elevator, covered in whipped cream.)

SRA: “What happened, guys?”

Freshman #1: “I want to switch roommates!” *The other freshmen pipe up loudly that they, too, want to switch roommates.*

SRA: “Did your roommates do this to all of you? Did you do anything to them first?”

Freshman #2: “Well, we’ve been collecting bottles of our pee and placing it in their clothing, and under their bed sheets, but they started it first!”

(The SRA looks at me as this guy is talking, knowing there’s going to be a s***-ton of paperwork and meetings over this.)

Me: “Tag, you’re it!” *walks away*

(Don’t worry, I’m not a horrible RA. I came back with coffee for the SRA and we sorted this out together. I just wanted to see her reaction when she thought I left her.)

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  • Kitty

    *smacks all Freshman like The Three Stooges*

    • George Gidley

      “I’m a victim of soicumstance!”

      • godzillahomer

        no. Just no.

        those 3 dolts don’t deserve to be compared to Curly, use Joe

  • Souless night

    College idiots… one of the worst kinds

    • Percy P. Plushie

      Yeah, having lived in college dorms and apartments, I’ve seen a lot. Traditional dorms are the worst. My freshman year–I kid not–the area coordinator (RA’s boss, basically an outside adult in charge of multiple dorm halls) had to give our male hallway a lecture on how to “aim” properly in the toilets. We were known as the worst hallway for housekeeping to deal with. Communal bathrooms were a pig sty. There were times when I’d rather have been living with decrepit, neurotic cats that think the litter box rule doesn’t apply to them.

  • Stephen

    If you’re going to explain an abbreviation, please don’t stop after the first letter

    • Asiyd

      RA = Resident Assistant

      • Stephen


    • Stephen

      Whilst on the topic of acronyms and initials, here’s an old mathematical joke:

      Question:What does the B stand for in Benoit B Mandlebrot?

      Answer: Benoit B Mandlebrot

      • Matt Westwood

        A variant on GNU, which stands for GNU’s Not Unix.

        • divgradcurl

          Not sure which is a variant on which, but yeah, they’re essentially the same joke.

          I kind of prefer the Mandelbrot one, just because the mental timing is better. Your brain needs that extra beat to connect in what Mandelbrot is known for — at least my brain does; stop laughing at an old man and get off my danmed lawn! — so the joke is funnier when it hits.

          • Matt Westwood

            Ultimately all we can say is: lots of people read Gurgle Atishoo and Bark back in 1979 and I’m fairly sure some of what Hofstadter sneezed out stuck where it landed. Whether that was before or after Mandelbrot added the B to his name needs to be researched.

          • K’Zad Bhat

            It took me a second too, now I’m visually the most common Mandelbrot blot.

      • HiddenWindshield

        Officially, the word “GNU” in the “GNU Operating System” is an acronym that stands for “GNU’s Not Unix.”

        • Vulpis

          And then there’s WINE..’WINE Is Not a Emulator’…

          • Darth Pseudonym

            I think the first one was PINE, “PINE is not EMACs”

      • Darth Pseudonym


      • Darth Pseudonym

        Okay so I just learned that this isn’t actually a joke (or at least, it was a joke of his own devising).

        Benoit Mandelbrot didn’t have a given middle name; the middle initial appears only in his autobiography, and there are a few sources that suggest he did in fact intend it to be read as recursive.

    • Phil Adler

      “RA” is a common abbreviation in dorms, they were just explaining what the addition of the “S” meant.

      • otje91

        It is Common in the usa/canada. Ik know in the netherlands we do not have RA but landlords/conjierge. And i believe that is also more Common troughout Europe.

        • Novelista

          You call your resident assistants “landlords”? Hmm…

          In Amerika is de verhuurder de persoon die uw huurprijs verzamelt en reparaties uitvoert in jouw huis of appartement. (Als je ervoor kiest om te huren in plaats van te kopen.)

          De inwonende assistent woont in de slaapzaal en stopt de leerlingen om elkaar te vermoorden en het gebouw te vernietigen. (Een beetje anders!)

          [Pardon my poor grammar.]

          • Marcel

            No, we don’t have a dorm system with someone in charge over other students.
            If you go to college and move out of your parents place, you will rent a room, either in a regular house or a bigger building or complex made specifically for the purpose of renting out rooms to students. in the house everybody is equal, you are all tenants of your room and share the common spaces. One of the older occupants may be responsible for a house finances, keeping up the cleaning schedule, but that’s it.
            The dorm system used in some countries Always sounds horible to me, treating students as if they are children instead of adults.

            p.s. I agree that the previous Dutch posters use of the words landlord/concierge was completely inaccurate though

          • Novelista

            They’re treated like children because they act like it. They don’t just keep the first years together because they’re new to the school, it’s also because they’re young and foolish. If you keep first and second years on one floor and thirds on up on the other, it’s a world of difference.

          • Marcel

            In my experience it’s the other way around. They act like children because they are treated like it.
            the more responsibility you give people, the more responsible they act, this is why an 18 year student here can live independent and an 18 year old student there needs a RA

          • Novelista

            They stuck me with the first years once (even though I was six years older) and they hated me for expecting them to behave like adults instead of children. So I go back to it being a cultural thing, not in the way they’re treated.

      • Marcel

        It is only common in English speaking countries and/or countries where they actually have dorms, in other countries it is completely unknown. explaining abreviations that are not common with your entire audience (and in an international setting that means almost every abreviation) is simple common courtesy.

  • Kali Ravel

    I want to know what the roommates did to “start it”.

    • godzillahomer

      I dunno, but the trio seemed pissed off about the whole thing

      • Matt Westwood

        Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

        • Katrin Schirmer

          we are slowly but surely learning what gets past the filters.

        • godzillahomer

          heh, nice Robin Hood: Men in Tights ref

        • Percy P. Plushie

          Or, the saying my dad passed on to me: “I’d rather be a smarta**8 than a dumba**”. Not exactly cerebral, but gets the point across. My grandpa’s favorite, now passed through at least three generations, is marginally more colorful: “if I wanted any s*** out of you, I’d squeeze your head.”

          A saying of my own coinage (at least I’ve never heard anyone else say something similar…) would be “If you want to be an arsehole, expect to be wiped up.”

          The filter here probably isn’t optimized for British English. That at least would explain arse and bullocks, which are less common in the US. It doesn’t even recognize the former as a word.

          • K’Zad Bhat

            Okay, getting into insane conspiracy theory here. Disqus is really an attempt by the UK to take over the world by teaching us their word and speech patterns, because that’s the only way we can cuss on these comment forums.

          • Matt Westwood

            (*sneaky snigger*), Cunt, bollocks, arse and piss are fine, use them as you wish. Bullocks, by the way, are young male cattle, while bollocks are testicles.

      • Matt Westwood

        Incidentally, I love it that piss, like cunt, bollocks and arse, is not censored.

        • godzillahomer

          yeah, heck, the censor doesn’t effect me much now, I just swear in reverse, kcuf is not banned, ssa is not banned, just glad I don’t use any swears that are palindromes

      • HiddenWindshield

        Bah, the roommates didn’t do anything to “start it”. The guys in the story are just pissed off about the whipped cream, and think “they started it” counts as a get-out-of-jail-free card.

        • Kali Ravel

          I figure they either did something really bad or absolutely nothing (hence the quotes), and I want to know either way.

    • Jesen

      I’m kinda afraid to ask, myself.

  • divgradcurl

    Universities, at least in some countries, use that “RA” acronym for two different jobs: Resident Assistant and Research Assistant. Even once you know both meanings, it’s easy to misunderstand what someone just told you their job is.

    So I like to think the OP and their colleague are Research Assistants with the anthropology department, studying the culture of the freshmen dorm.

    Field Log, Day 97. I have been wasting my time. They don’t have a culture; they’re just drunk all the time and not very bright. Also, I now smell faintly of piss.

    • Disconnected

      Field log, Day 98. I have found their culture, it was growing in the leftover food under their beds.

      • Max

        Field Log, Day 99: Culture found under beds far more intelligent and insightful than students.

        • Disconnected

          Field Log, Day 100. Culture from under bed is revolting. I have left the subjects to their new overlord. Long live Darwin.

  • Mechwarrior

    I’m glad I went to a tech school where the worst thing I had to worry about was guys having Nerf battles in the hallways.

    • divgradcurl

      Not every tech school is immune.

      At one famous Institute of Technology which will remain nameless, people used to freeze frogs (already dead ones, I hope) in liquid nitrogen, then hurl them into a target’s room so they would shatter against the wall into countless tiny frog shards, which would thaw and commence to stink. Forever. You never find them all…

      I always thought this was excessively mean, especially to the frogs.

      • Huck Perry

        Poor frogs, even if they are dead already 🙁

    • K’Zad Bhat

      At least with a random Nerf battle you grab your own Nerf gun and have fun. At least I would.

  • She was probably pissed at first, and ready to whip someone’s @$$.

    • Vulpis

      …And then they got creamed.

    • General Ledger

      They wanted to get pissed off, but got pissed on instead.

  • Vulpis

    Grown adults and the future of the country, ladies and gentlemen!

  • Percy P. Plushie

    I kinda don’t get why people want to see others’ reactions to being/thinking they are being thrown under the bus. This is re: the RA’s “Tag, you’re it comment!” But for many people, that’s clearly standard sense of humor, so… different strokes.

  • Holly

    I am soooooo glad I went to a commuter school for my undergrad.

  • Brutus

    Good news is that you are no longer roommates. Great news is I am no longer your RA. Pack your stuff and move it to your new apartment.

    No, I don’t know where your apartment is. You should make sure it’s someplace convenient to you before signing the lease.