Wherever You Go, There US Are

(I am a tour guide at a fifteenth-century Irish castle. I am covering the desk when two tourists come through to exit.)

Me: “Thank you for visiting. Did you enjoy your tour?”

Tourist #1: “NO!”

Me: “I’m sorry. May I ask why?”

Tourist #1: “That tour guide talked funny.”

Tourist #2: “Yeah, she had a funny accent.”

Me: “You mean Irish?”

Tourist #1: “Yeah, we didn’t understand a word she said.”

Tourist #2: “You shouldn’t have guides we can’t understand!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is Ireland.”

Tourist #1: “You don’t have an Irish accent!”

Me: “I’m not from here, though.”

(At this point, another tourist who has been waiting to be served speaks up.)

Another Tourist: “Sorry, ladies, but you’re in Ireland in an Irish castle. What were you expecting?”

Tourists #1 and #2: “Americans!”

This story is part of the Saint Patrick’s Day 2022 roundup!

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