When You’ve Been Practicing That Line Since Last All Hallow’s Eve

It’s October so, naturally, it’s Halloween season. I’m shopping in a store looking at the various Halloween stuff when I hear the screech of an angry woman from a few feet away. I look up to see a woman about to let loose on an employee.

Angry Woman: “WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS DEVILISH GARBAGE AVAILABLE?”

Knowing she’s probably just getting started, I take a step over and tap her on the shoulder to get her attention. She turns and sees me. I give her my super-polite smile.

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, may I ask you one question?”

Angry Woman: “What is it?”

Me: “HAVE YOU LOST YOUR EVER-LOVING MIND?”

Angry Woman: “WHAT DID YOU SAY?!”

Me: “If you had any brains, you would know that Halloween is a Christian holiday. The ‘hallow’ part refers to Christian saints, or in old-time language, ‘hallows’. All Saints’ Day is November 1st, and All Hallows’ Eve — contracted to Halloween — is the night before, October 31st.”

She went dead silent and then headed out of the store mumbling something about “having to check with my church”.