When You’re So Woke You Just Want To Sleep
I work in a large superstore that has a Starbucks café inside it. The Starbucks maintains regular operating hours, but the store is open 24 hours.
A customer comes up to the regular store’s customer service desk and places a bag full of Starbucks collectors’ mugs.
Me: “Uh, how can I assist you, ma’am?”
Customer: “I want to return all these.”
Me: “Did you buy these from the Starbucks in our store?”
Customer: “No, but you have a Starbucks here, so you can return them.”
Me: “I’m afraid I can’t process a return for Starbucks items at this desk, even if you did buy them at the branch in this store. You would need to go there when they open tomorrow morning.”
Customer: “No, you will do this for me now. It has to be now.”
Me: “I can’t, ma’am. Also, as a collector myself, I recognize some of these mugs. Some are quite old and from cities all over the country. I don’t think the Starbucks here will be able to process refunds on all of these mugs.”
Customer: “No. I have to get rid of all of these, like right now. Starbucks has gone woke!”
Me: “Uh… okay? I’m… sorry? I still can’t do anything to help you tonight.”
Customer: “This is so gross! First, Starbucks gets taken over by DEI, and now this! This country is really going down.”
Me: “Well… if there’s nothing else.”
Customer: “I want to see the manager. I want them to help me.”
It’s 10 PM, but our night manager has just arrived, so I page him. He comes over and talks to the customer a little bit.
Manager: “So you want to return your entire Starbucks cities mug collection because they’re pro DEI?”
Customer: “Yes! I just can’t have them in my house for one more second!”
Manager: “Well, as my associate has said, you’ll need to wait for Starbucks to open, but even then, I don’t think you’ll be able to get anything from them.”
Customer: “Is this because you’re DEI too?”
Manager: “Because I’m… DEI? Ma’am, do you know what DEI is?”
Customer: “It’s woke!”
Manager: “Sure. Okay, well, you have a good night, ma’am.”
Customer: “No! You don’t get to walk away from me! And from this!”
Manager: “Ma’am, come back in the morning when—”
Customer: “—No, you woke [slur for disabled people]. You gotta do something for me! See things from my perspective!”
Manager: “Ma’am, I’m trying my absolute hardest to see things from your perspective, but I just can’t get my head that far up my a**.”
[Manager] humored her right up until she used that word, and rightfully so. She ended up tossing the bag of mugs on to the ground in a fit of rage, stomping on them for good measure, and storming out.
