When You Thought It Was The Terrible Number Twos

My husband and I are at his parents’ house for a long family lunch. His younger brother has brought a date, and things are going well… until Mom starts in on the embarrassing childhood stories. 

Mom: “And there was that time he took a s*** so huge he was proud of it! He wanted everyone in the house to come and see it!”

Brother-in-Law’s Date: *Laughing nervously.* “Oh wow, that’s so funny and gross!” *To [Brother-In-Law].* “Don’t worry, [Brother-in-Law’s Name], my mom will probably tell you all the embarrassing things I did when I was a little kid.”

Mom: “Little kid?! This was when he was seventeen!”

The table goes dead silent.

Me: *Forcing a smile.* “Uh… could someone pass the gravy?”

My plate is already swimming in gravy, but I had to do something.

We never saw his date again, and my mother-in-law has been a lot more careful with her “funny” stories since.