When You Gotta Go (Away)

, , , | Friendly | February 14, 2019

(I do not like using public bathrooms AT ALL. I will avoid them as much as possible. Much to my dismay, I have IBS and sometimes that does strike at the worst possible time. I am doing some shopping, and right at the beginning, it hits me that I need to use the bathroom and soon. I go to the single-occupancy bathroom and begin to do my business. Suddenly, wild knocking begins.)

Me: “Sorry, it’s occupied.”

(I think I’ve been successful, as it quiets down, until I hear more furious knocking, along with a nonchalant female voice.)

Woman: “HELLO? HELLOOOOOOO! HELLOOOO?”

Me: “It’s occupied, sorry!”

(I raise my voice a bit louder, thinking she didn’t hear me the first time. Then she starts forcefully yanking the door handle, jerking it back and forth as if someone were playing a prank on her and holding the door from the inside. I’m trying to do this in peace, and am getting frustrated now.)

Me: “EXCUSE ME, BUT I’M TRYING TO TAKE A S***. IF YOUR NEED FOR A RESTROOM IS THAT DIRE, GO TO THE MEN’S PRIVATE ROOM OR THE HANDICAPPED ONE ON EITHER SIDE OF THIS ONE!”

(It finally stops, and I finish and come out, and the woman throws her hands up.)

Woman: “FINALLY. What were you doing in there? What if I was going to be sick?”

(I shoot her a dirty look and snap back at her.)

Me: “Then I would assume that you would’ve rushed into one other single bathrooms on either side of this one and gotten sick into them. I told you twice that it was occupied and then what I was doing, and you still yanked the door handle like a stupid maniac. You’re lucky I don’t stand out here while you go in and do the same to you.”

(She just huffed and walked away, instead. I guess she wasn’t going to be sick after all. I get that it’s dire sometimes, but if it’s that dire for you to act like a psycho, just throw caution to the wind and use one of the other bathrooms right next to the one that is being occupied.)

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