When They Want YOUR Lifetime Achievement Award

I’ve been teaching for a good number of decades, and I have reached my endpoint. As my retirement is imminent, and word has spread, many people have given me congratulations, goodbyes, and good riddances. 

The other day, two weeks before the end, I had a new one. 

A detail worth knowing is that there are several retirement pension options with adjusted payouts for teachers here, including lifetime survivor benefits.

A young lady, sixteen-ish going on Mae West, who has never been in one of my classes, came to wish me well. She followed with:

Student: “You know, if I marry you now, I can collect your retirement for the rest of my life. Even when you’re dead.”

I wish I had replied “That would require violating the Mann Act, so I’d lose the pension and you’d never collect. Sorry,” instead of letting my mouth open and close like a goldfish several times trying to find a reply before turning and walking away.