When The Snap Decision Pays Off

We have a regular who is known in all the departments in our department store. She is rude, bossy, entitled, and seems to come in every weekend despite the “terrible service” and “stupid staff”. 

Today I get the pleasure of serving her at the checkout desk in the women’s section.

Regular: “This fleece has some defects, so I will be expecting a discount.”

Me: *Checking the fleece.* “I’m afraid I can’t see any, madam. Can you point them out to me?”

Regular: “Are you blind?!” *She starts pointing.* “There are frays all over! Here, and here, and here!”

Me: “Madam, this is a cotton fleece. It’s designed to look like that. Those aren’t frays.”

Regular: “Okay, so you’re stupid as well as blind! These are serious abnormal defects! I will pay £30 for this.”

Me: “Madam, that fleece is £90.”

Regular: “It wouldn’t even be worth half that even without the defects!”

Me: “Madam, there are no defects on this item. I will not be giving you this at a third of the retail price. It’s £90.”

Regular: “The customer is always right!”

I don’t know what it was about today’s interaction, but today was the day I finally snapped.

Me: “Well, you’re definitely always something. I’ll give you that.”

Regular: “What did you say to me?!”

Me: “Are you deaf?”

Regular: “How dare you—”

Me: “—look at this! A ‘blind’ person talking to a ‘deaf’ person. No wonder this conversation is so painful.”

Regular: “I will be talking to your manager about—”

Me: “—absolutely! My manager is in a senior manager’s meeting until midday, so they should be another two hours or so. We have a café on the fourth floor if you’d like to wait.”

Regular: “I will be calling your complaints number and telling them all about you and your disrespectful attitude!”

Me: “Wonderful! The number is on our website. My name is [My Name], but they should know it by now since I am by far the number one rated salesperson at this store for the last couple of years. When the complaint gets back to me, I’ll be sure to tell them about how you make everyone here miserable every weekend. I will also tell them that I would rather quit than give you the satisfaction of having me reprimanded in any way, so as you can imagine, I don’t give a flying monkey’s bottom about any complaints you feel like you want to make.”

Regular: “You are an obscene and small little man! You will regret this conversation, trust me!”

Me: “I have regretted all of our conversations, except this one. This one I’ve actually enjoyed. Please note that the nearest exit is behind you and have the day you deserve.”

Thoroughly agitated by the fact that she’d lost all power in this conversation (you can’t threaten an employee that no longer gives a s***) she made one more weak threat of getting my “employment terminated” and stalked off towards the exit… but not the exit I suggested, because that would be another victory for me, so instead she exited into the car park to walk the long way around back to the high street, even though I knew she doesn’t drive.

She did complain, and it did make its way to my manager, who then had a conversation with me. I told him that if I so much as got a verbal slap on the wrist, I would walk out there and then. Therefore, the complaint has been sitting in limbo in the ‘spam folder’ for the last six months, quietly forgotten.

The customer does come back every now and then, and I always wave and smile every time I see her, with her glaring back with equal amounts of rage and shock that I am still gainfully employed.