When The Police Can Be A Real Jewel

, , , , , | Legal | February 9, 2020

(I’m the person from this story. When they finally discover the cyst on my ovary that is the source of all my troubles, I am immediately scheduled for surgery in two weeks’ time. They want to run some more biopsies because they suspect I have a lump in my breast, which turns out to just be scar tissue from my reduction surgery years ago. One week after discovering the cyst and a week before my surgery, my grandmother whom I’d been living with to help keep an eye on her, dies, which puts me in an awful position. Two of my cousins are given ownership of the house upon her death. One of them, my male cousin, is on the other side of the country at the time of her death, which leaves me to deal with the other, female cousin. She immediately tells me I have to move out at once while I am laid up in a recliner chair, unable to move from the pain and on heavy-duty painkillers, facing major surgery in one week and another six weeks of recovery, minimum. Luckily, my other cousin calls to see how I am holding up and when he hears what our mutual cousin is trying to do, he tells her that he is allowing me to stay until I am well enough after my surgery to move. Two days later, I am woken up by the sound of someone coming into the house in the early morning and I see one of my aunts walking through and then back to the front door. She shows me the jewelry box she has in her hands and tells me she is taking it to the funeral home. I don’t care and just try to go back to sleep. I am woken up AGAIN, probably a few hours later, by my female cousin, my mother, and a police officer in the living room.)

Female Cousin: “…and I want her arrested! She stole my grandmother’s jewelry! Arrest her!”

Mom: “I told you, I didn’t take anything! I don’t know what happened!”

Female Cousin: “You changed the locks on the house to keep us out, and now you’re stealing from me! This is my house and I own everything in it!”

Mom: “I called you and gave you the key to the new locks! My daughter is sick and I don’t know who all has keys to the old locks! I changed them to keep people from coming in without permission!”

(I just try to go back to sleep but can’t because of the noise. Mom is trying to keep her voice down, [Female Cousin] is starting to shout, and the cop is trying to calm them both down.)

Me: “[Aunt] took the f****** jewelry box! She came in here before the sun was fully up and took the f****** thing! She took it to the funeral home! I’m trying to sleep, [Female Cousin]; can you be quiet?!

(With that settled, the cop says he will check with the funeral home. But before he leaves, he turns to my cousin.)

Cop: “For the record, ma’am, you may own this house, but until the estate is settled, you own nothing inside of it.”

Me: “Officer, thank God you clarified that for her. If she had tried to take my property inside this house from me, I was going to load the most illegal stuff I could find onto my computer and pin it on her.”

(Luckily, he found it as funny as I intended it to be.)

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