When The Coupon Is Coup-Off

I was a manager in a coffee shop some years ago. This was not a nationwide chain with a siren mascot, just a local place that was still pretty popular.

The morning was busy as the commuters came in, wanting their caffeine. We had a full staff roster and had gotten into a groove usually reserved for choreographed dance numbers in musicals. And then, because awesome flow can never last long without a wrench in the gears, in comes the customer:

Customer: *Putting a coupon on the counter.* “I want a [drink order], and apply this coupon to it.”

Coworker: *Glancing at the coupon.* “Sorry, ma’am, that’s a [other coffee chain] coupon, and it’s expired. We can’t apply that. Your drink will be [price], if that’s all right.”

Customer: “No, that’s not all right. I want you to apply this coupon. I know you can make an exception for expired coupons, so just apply it.”

Coworker: “Sorry, but no, we can’t. This coupon is for another company entirely.”

Customer: “I need to speak to your manager, because clearly you don’t know how to do your job.”

I was already silently lamenting interaction as I stepped in.

Customer: *Slamming her hand on the counter and causing a brief silence in the crowd.* “I want that boy fired! He’s incompetent, rude, and has no idea how to work in customer service!”

Well, that escalated quickly.

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t fire employees based on a single complaint. Furthermore, this coupon has expired and is for a different company. We will not be honoring it.”

Customer: “Are you a coffee shop or not?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we are. And if you want coffee, you need to order from our menu and pay full price.”

She lost her marbles. I just stood stone-faced as she screamed about how she was a manager at [siren coffee chain] and this was not how [siren coffee chain] treated customers.

As much of a waste of time as it was, I just stood there while she threw her screaming fit, deciding to let her wear herself out. Her tirade wound down to a close with a threat to have us all fired when she reported us to corporate.

I just stood there, staring at her.

Customer: “Well?!”

Me: “Ma’am, where are you right now?”

Customer: *Confused and probably getting whiplash from the change of subject.* “What?”

Me: “Where are you right now? Are you in a [other coffee chain]?”

Customer: “I’m in a coffee shop!”

Me: “You are in [Our Name Coffee Shop]. We are not the same company. We are not the same chain. We do not honor [other coffee chain]’s coupons. You are not a manager here, and we do not have a corporate office for you to complain to.”

Customer: “But… I’m the customer!”

Me: “You haven’t bought anything from us, you haven’t given us any money. This coupon has expired and is for a different company. I’m not sure what part you didn’t understand.”

Customer: “BUT I’M THE CUSTOMER! YOU CAN’T TREAT ME LIKE THIS!”

Me: “You’re not a customer. Standing there and yelling and threatening is not going to work in your favor. There’s the door, and don’t let it hit you on the way out. Goodbye.”

I turned to the next customer in line and offered to help them. She stood there for a few seconds, looking like the rug had been ripped out from under her. I had gone off script and hadn’t kowtowed to her demands like I was supposed to. She looked around and seemed to suddenly realize that everyone was staring at her, and no one seemed supportive.

After a few seconds more, she slunk out.

On the plus side, the rest of the customers were very polite. I wonder if I can hire staged customer tantrums to keep the rest of the masses that nice.