When Paying With Pretty Looks Is Not Looking Pretty

, , | Right | October 13, 2019

(I manage a restaurant. One night, at the end of service, one of my waiters says a pretty lady would like to speak to me about paying her bill. I go to her and he’s right; she’s gorgeous. I ask what the problem is, already thinking she’s unhappy about the service or has finished her food and then decided it was, in fact, not nice. She responds that the food was great and service was good, but…)

Customer: “I don’t have any money to pay for my drinks and food that I had with my friends, and they’ve all left.”

Me: “Is there anyone you can call to come settle the outstanding balance? Or you could leave your ID as security and come back tomorrow to pay the bill.”

Customer: “No, I can’t do either of those. Actually, there’s money in the car; let’s go get it together.”

(Naturally, I agree and go to the car park with her. She opens the door, leans seductively into the car, and pretends to rummage around for a while, waving her bum around in the air. Then, she slowly slides out, looks at me with brooding eyes, and says:)

Customer: “Oops, I guess I don’t have any money.”

(I ask again if she’s sure there’s nobody to call who could come pay.)

Customer: “No, but I’m sure we can arrange some other form of payment.”

(She licks her lips and looks me up and down, clearly implying some sort of sexual favor. She knows she’s an attractive woman and tries to play on it, stepping towards me, pushing out her chest.)

Me: *keeping a straight face* “Yes, we don’t only accept cash; we also take credit cards and other currencies at the exchange rate if you have any on you, or we could accept an online bank transfer from your bank to ours — our bank account is [number] — or if you have something like a ring or piece of jewelry to the value or higher than that of your meal, I’d be happy to hold on to it so you can come collect it and pay tomorrow.”

Customer: *doesn’t even take the hint* “Actually, I meant another way of paying, but since you’re at work, I get why you might be shy. How about you take my ring and then bring it to my house tomorrow and I’ll give you [amount more than her outstanding balance] for your trouble.” *stepping closer* “Then, maybe you can stay a while and we can get to know each other better.”

Me: *still keeping a straight face* “I doubt my wife will be too pleased with that idea, but I’ll just take your ring—” *practically snatches it* “—and you can come pay for it tomorrow.”

(I was struggling not to smile because she clearly wasn’t expecting to be turned down. She threw her hands in the air and had a kind of childish tantrum, and then got in her car and drove off. A driver came with the money the next day. I told my girlfriend and she just smiled and said she was pleased I’d called her my wife!)

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