When It Absolutely MUST Be Grape Flavored

I work at a call centre as a support for users of electronic cigarettes. Customers call with questions and orders, but mostly they call when their little machine gets broken. Sometimes it’s like talking to a toddler who wants his sweets.

Customer: “Hello? My device broke! It doesn’t work! I am at my parent’s house for the weekend and don’t know what to do. I need my e-cigarette!”

Me: “Okay. Tell me, is the light on the device on or off?”

Customer: “It just doesn’t work.”

Me: “Do you have it now?”

Customer: “Yeah, just tell me how to fix it.”

Me: “Okay. Pick it up and tell me the colour of the light when you turn it on.”

Customer: “Wait, I have to go get it.”

I wait for the customer.

Customer: “Okay, I have it now. When I press it, it doesn’t do anything.”

Me: “Did you try to reset it? Do you know how to do it?”

Customer: “Yes, of course! Do you think I am stupid or what? I already told you; I pressed the button, still nothing.”

Me: “Actually, you have to press both of the buttons.”

Customer: “But there is only one button?”

Me: “What kind of device do you have?”

Customer: “Black.”

Me: “…”

We eventually try the reset with both buttons and try a different charger, but nothing works.

Me: “Hmm… Did you have it exposed outside by any chance? It doesn’t work in too low or too high temperatures.”

Customer: “No, but my brother dropped it yesterday.”

Me: “I am sorry, but it appears this is what damaged your device, and in this case, it is not covered by our guarantee.”

Customer: “What? But I am your paying customer! Last month it didn’t work, and you changed it for me with no problem.”

Me: “I understand, but in this case, it is not covered. It is possible to buy a new one with a discount, though.”

Customer: *Really angry* “What do you mean, buy a new one? I am spending my money on your product. I have already had the device changed twice from the time I bought it and this is how you treat your customer? I wanna speak to your manager!”

Me: “Unfortunately, she is not here right now.”

It is 10:00 pm.

Customer: “She has to be there. I wanna speak with her! Give her the phone right now!”

Me: “I am sorry, she is literally not here right now. If you don’t have any other questions, I am sorry but I cannot help you more.”

Customer: “I will call you tomorrow, and if you won’t fix it, I will call the newspapers! You are thieves and deserve to die!”

Me: “…”

Customer: *With a little bit of desperation in their voice* “What am I supposed to do now? I need it.”