When Definitions Of ‘TMI’ Are Fluid

I work in a large home goods store. A customer shows me a waterproof mattress cover and asks:

Customer: “This says it’s waterproof. Does that mean, like… sweat too, or just full-on accidents?”

Me: “It protects against all liquids, so yes, sweat, spills, even, uh, full-on accidents.”

Customer: “I’m not planning on wetting the bed or anything. Just asking. My girlfriend runs hot. Real hot.” 

Me: “It’ll handle sweat.”

Customer: “Because I’m not buying this if it’s only for bed-wetters. That’s not me. She just sweats like a beast!” 

Me: *Desperately trying to end this conversation.* “Then this’ll work great. It doesn’t care why the bed’s wet, it just doesn’t let it soak through.”

Customer: “I don’t wet the bed!”

Me: “I believe you, sir!”

Customer: “It doesn’t feel like you do!”

Me: “The more times you claim you don’t, the less convincing it sounds.”

Customer: *Walking away with the mattress cover.* “I’m not a baby!”

I don’t know what just happened…