When Dad Can’t Bear The Truth
My mom and my aunt are sitting on the couch, chatting while I, a teenage female, scroll on my phone. Their conversation drifts into a topic I’ve heard a lot online lately.
Mom: “…and that’s why women say they’d rather take their chances with the bear.”
Aunt: “Exactly. The bear isn’t going to stalk you home from the trailhead.”
Dad, who’s been in the kitchen, pokes his head around the corner.
Dad: “What’s this about a bear?”
Mom: “It’s a way of saying that sometimes, women feel safer around a dangerous wild animal than a strange man.”
Dad: “What?! Why? A bear is a wild, dangerous animal!”
Aunt: “Yes, but a bear is an animal you can run from, and you know what’s going through its mind. If a woman meets a man in the woods, yeah, he could be a decent guy, but you don’t know that.”
Dad: “But… he’s not a bear!”
Mom: “Honey, you’re not getting it. What it’s saying is that the worst of men are capable of things way worse than what a bear is capable of.”
Dad: *Frowning.* “That’s ridiculous. Not all men are like that.”
He said it! He said the thing! I see my chance.
Me: “Cool. Then I should be fine going on that weekend trip with my all-guy friend group, right?”
Dad: *Frowning again.* “What, that camping trip you told me about?”
Me: “Yup! I’d be sharing a tent with Charles. You met him.”
Dad: “I’m not comfortable with that.”
Me: “Why not?”
Dad: “I… I remember when I was a teenager. Teenage boys are not to be trusted!”
Me: “But dad… not all men!”
Dad: “That’s… different! I wasn’t like that! Also, Charles is huge! I don’t like him!”
Mom: “You know what, honey. I’m cool with it. Have fun on the trip!”
Dad: “Are you serious?!”
Mom: “Not all men are like your friends when you were a teenager, right?”
Dad: “But we don’t know these boys!”
Every woman in the room, me, Mom, and my Aunt, at the same time, shouts:
Us: “EXACTLY!”
My dad goes quiet and storms out.
Aunt: *To my mom.* “Are you serious about letting [My Name] go on that trip?”
Mom: “Oh, please! Charles may be huge and hairy, but he’s gayer than a glitter sale at Michael’s.” *Arts and crafts store.* “I’d trust [My Name] with him more than a literal bear!”
Me: “In fact, in gay circles, Charles is called a bear.”
Mom: “See?! She’s still choosing the bear!”
The camping trip was fun. Dad is still stewing over it.
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