When Common Sense Goes Naval Gazing

, , , , | Right | May 22, 2010

(I serve on a Canadian Naval vessel. While on an exercise, our ship comes alongside in New York and offers tours to any civilians who wish to see the ship. I am on duty when a group of Americans comes on board for a tour. At the end of the tour, one gentleman comes up to me.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, when does the ship leave?”

Me: “We’re in port for another two days before we head back to sea, sir.”

Tourist: “But we’re here today. Can’t we take the tour now?”

Me: “I beg your pardon, sir? Didn’t you just take the tour?”

Tourist: “We saw the ship, but when do we go to [Town the ship is named after]?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, but the tours are of the ship only.”

Tourist: “But when do you sail to [Town]?”

Me: “We actually can’t, sir, because that town isn’t on the ocean.”

Tourist: “Well, that’s stupid! How are we supposed to sail there? Never mind, where is the ship going next, then, and when do we have to be here?”

Me: “Well, if you’d like to watch us leave, we will be shoving off around 10 o’clock on Sunday, sir.”

Tourist: “And where are we going then?”

Me: “Well, I can’t disclose where the ship is sailing next due to operational security, sir.”

Tourist: “Then how are we supposed to get back?”

(Thankfully at this point the man’s wife jumps in.)

Tourist’s Wife: “This isn’t a cruise, you moron! We just came to see the ship!”

Tourist: *to me* “Well, why didn’t you say that? Are you Canadians all stupid or something? No wonder we beat the s*** out of you in the war! If you didn’t surrender to everyone that waved a gun at you, you probably wouldn’t be so stupid!”

(The tourist storms off the ship.)

Tourist’s Wife: “I… um… yeah. May I have one of those free hats, please?”


This story is part of our Clueless Tourists roundup!

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