When All Else Fails, Try Books
I work in a small independent LGBTQIA bookstore. (It’s San Francisco!) We have a section of the store dedicated to mental health and advice on how to come out and come to terms with your feelings. We often have younger customers (teens to early twenties) come up to this section, looking nervous and not really knowing what to do.
I’m a gay American-Chinese man in my late twenties, and I see another young Chinese guy, possibly a teen, lingering in this section for a while. I come over and pretend to restack some books.
Me: “I know, it can be an overwhelming section. So many books, am I right?”
Customer: “Heh, yeah.”
Me: “Anything I can do to help you narrow it down?”
Customer: “Well… I’m… gay.”
It takes him a long time to say the sentence, and I totally relate. When I first came to terms with my sexual orientation, it was a struggle for me to say the words, “I’m gay,” out loud at first, too. There is an extended pause, and this young man then looks at me pleadingly.
Me: “That’s awesome! We can automatically rule out this entire section! You’ve come out to yourself. I’m guessing you’re now thinking you’d like to come out to someone else?”
Customer: “My mom.”
Me: “Ah, yeah. That’s a tough one, not gonna lie. Moms can be… a lot.
He actually laughs.
Customer: “Yeah.”
Me: “Chinese?”
Customer: “She’s like… super Chinese.”
Me: “How’s her English?”
Customer: “Practically zero.”
Me: “Okay… Well, I can tell you what books helped me as I was about to go on the same journey as you.”
Customer: “How did your mom react?”
Me: “I could tell you, but this journey is more for you and building up both a way for you to communicate, but also for you to be ready for whatever happens next. Her feelings are important — no doubt — but your feelings and well-being are the bigger picture here.”
Customer: “I… never thought about that. I always thought about how my mom feels.”
I show him some books that I’ve found helpful, advice on coming out, and some novels written by queer Asian-Americans who also had a tough time being accepted by their traditional families.
Customer: “I… can only really afford one of these. Which one should I buy first?”
I don’t even have to think. I give him a staff discount on the one book and tell him I will “loan” him the rest. I am willing to cover the cost of them even if he doesn’t come back.
A month later, he is back. And he isn’t alone; he comes into the store with his mother!
Customer: *In their Chinese dialect* “Mom, this is my friend I told you about.”
He tells me that last week he finished all the books and decided to come out to his mom that very same day. There were tears, there were questions, and there were moments of awkwardness, but most of all… there was relief. I talk to him now in English.
Me: “I am so glad you came back to tell me! I was wondering how it was going.”
Customer: “Yeeeeeah, I came back to tell you, but also…”
His mom then holds out some cash and starts thrusting it at me almost violently.
Customer: “…she was more upset that I only paid for one of the books. She said I can be gay, but I should never be in debt!”
My personal coming-out story was very sad and tragic. This one was the opposite and absolutely restored my faith in humanity and in my culture.
That was over five years ago now. His mom often comes by to say hello when she is in the city and leaves me lots of food. Apparently, I am too skinny, but my heart is always full.
This story is part of the Pride 2024 roundup!
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This story is part of the Best-Feel-Good-Stories Of-2023 roundup!
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