What’s In A Name? (A Whole Lot Of Care)

Bigotry, Coworkers, England, Inspirational, Kind Strangers, LGBTQ, London, Office, Parents/Guardians, UK | Working | October 10, 2023

CONTENT WARNING: Anti-Trans Parent, Harassment, Threats

At the time of this story, I was in the process of transitioning from female to male. It was a decision I had struggled with for years, but once I started, I finally began to feel like I was myself. However, it created a rift in my family, which in turn caused me a great deal of stress and anxiety.

The hardest part, for me, was my mum turning against me. When I was growing up, she was always supportive and encouraging in everything I wanted or needed. But apparently, she drew the line at me being trans.

“You’re my little girl, not my little boy!” she’d say.

She would aggressively deadname me and share anti-trans posts any chance she got, to the point where I had to block her on social media. At that point, she became downright toxic — even going as far as to tell people that I had DIED rather than acknowledging my transition, which, as you can imagine, was deeply upsetting.

One day, I came into work after having had a particularly nasty interaction with my mum the night before. Despite us being no-contact, she had somehow found out where I lived and turned up at my house to hurl abuse and threats at me. Police had to be called. I was drained and heartbroken. I wanted nothing more than to hide under a blanket and cry.

But we had a big project due, and I couldn’t leave my colleagues in the lurch. Plus, I figured that sitting around at home would only make me feel worse. I needed a distraction. And quite honestly, I was terrified of my mum coming back and having another altercation with me.

So, I gritted my teeth and headed to work. At least it was a secure building. Even if she found out where I worked, she wouldn’t be able to get anywhere near me.

Being around my more accepting colleagues did settle my nerves somewhat, but then I ran into [Colleague]. I’ve never had any issues with [Colleague]. He’s a friendly guy with a great work ethic, but he has always been terrible with names. He’ll recognise your face and know your role or department and things you’ve told him, but he is just hopeless with names.

He has tried things like brain training and memory tricks, but despite his best efforts, he still mixes up names most of the time.

Normally, this isn’t an issue; it is just something you laugh off and move on from. It’s just that on that day, after the nightmare of an encounter I’d had with my mum, I was feeling fragile and I didn’t know if I could handle him mixing up my name, even though I knew he wouldn’t mean anything by it. I tried to avoid him all day, but he eventually caught up to me.

Colleague: “Oh, [My Name]! I’m going to get some coffee for the team. Do you want anything?”

I started to answer and then realised that, for the first time, he had gotten my name right.

Me: “Oh… I… uh…”

[Colleague] suddenly looked panicked.

Colleague: “I’m so sorry. Did I get your name wrong?”

Me: “No. You… you got it right. Sorry, it just really surprised me. You usually get it wrong.”

Colleague: *Looking relieved* “Oh. Good. I practiced all weekend.”

Me: “You… you practiced my name all weekend?”

Colleague: “Yeah, well… I overheard you talking to [Colleague #2] in the breakout room about what a hard time you’ve been having lately, so I wanted to make a special effort to get your name right. I even bought an app to help me memorise your name.”

I was so touched that [Colleague] had gone to the trouble of spending his weekend making sure he got my name right that I started crying. I know getting a name right is a small thing, but to me, in that moment, it felt huge.

[Colleague] quickly whisked me away to one of the empty meeting rooms, checked that I was okay, and then ran to get my manager. My manager, who had also been really supportive throughout the whole ordeal, offered to let me go home for the day, paid. As grateful as I was for her offer, I declined. [Colleague] had given me the positivity I needed to make it through the day.

I will always be grateful to [Colleague] for his incredible show of support and understanding. It really helped get me through a tough time.

I have since fully transitioned and am doing much better. Even though I had to completely cut my family out of my life (including getting restraining orders for both of my parents), I have been lucky enough to build a great support network — which, of course, includes [Colleague].

This story is part of the Best-Feel-Good-Stories Of-2023 roundup!