What The Beep Did You Think We Were Doing?

(I’m an audiologist in a hearing aid clinic. Testing the hearing of fully grown, competent adults is a large part of my job. I have this conversation at least once a week.)

Me: “Okay, so we’re going to do the hearing test now. I’m going to put these headphones on–” *holds up headphones* “–and I want to you press this button–” *hands client the button and mimes pressing it* “–when you hear a beep, okay?”

Client: “Okay, so press the button when I hear it?”

Me: “Yes, when you hear it.”

Client: “Okay.”

(I then sit down at my computer and present a beep through the headphones at a reasonable volume. No response. I go a bit louder, the client just sits there. I check my equipment and present again. Nothing. I try the other ear, nothing. Finally, I go back to the client.)

Me: “Were there any beeps there?”

Client: *with pride* “Oh, yes, I heard all of those!”

Me: “Ok… so, when you hear it… press the button.”

Client: “Oh! Have we started?”