What She NEEDS Is To Shut Up

I work for an insurance company. I’m in the department that assists with level of coverage changes — “cover review” is the internal term for it. People call my area to upgrade or downgrade their coverage, depending on whether they need insurance for certain procedures in a private hospital. Usually, people have a general idea of what they need and what they don’t need.

Customer: “Apparently, I need to review my coverage. It’s too expensive! What can you do for me?”

Me: “I’d be happy to help with that today, ma’am. I can see here that you are currently on our highest level of hospital coverage.”

Customer: “What does that mean?!”

Me: “It entitles you to be covered for—”

Customer: “Stop! Just tell me what I need!”

Me: “All right, ma’am, you are currently covered for pregnancy, hip and knee—”

Customer: “Stop! Stop! Stop! I don’t want to hear all that! Just tell me what I need!”

I think, “Okay, perhaps she needs me to slow down and check each item of coverage individually.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Do you need to be covered for pregnancy?”

Customer: “What does that have to do with anything?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m just going through the items your current policy covers to see if you still need them and therefore would need to stay on the highest coverage. If there’s something you don’t need, you can go to a lower coverage that doesn’t include it.”

Customer: “I do not understand why you are making this so hard. Just tell me what I need!”

Me: “Okay, the difference between your current policy and the one below it in coverage and price, is that it does not include private hospital coverage for hip and knee replacements, pregnancy—”

Customer: “Oh, my God!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, is there something wrong?”

Customer: “You’re just going to read everything, aren’t you?! You’re just going to read it! What the h*** use is it speaking to a person if you can’t just tell me what I need?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am? I’m not permitted to make assumptions—”

Customer: “Fine! What is the difference between the coverages?! Since you’re soooo good at reading!”

Me: *Pauses* “The highest coverage includes everything you would ever need to be insured for in a private hospital, the medium coverage excludes hip and knee, pregnancy—”

Customer: “You already said that! Oh, my God! I cannot believe how useless you are! This has been a complete waste of my time! Complete waste!” *Click*

Yes, ma’am, I agree.