What Really Gets Their Goat Is A Lack Of Them

(I work as a manager at a local branch of a common fast food restaurant. All locations in the US have the same items, prepared the same way. We have never accepted and are not equipped for delivery or over-the-phone orders. I’m in the office, counting down a register, when the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller: *with a noticeable Indian accent* “Hello. I’d like to place an order for pickup.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t accept orders for pickup. You have to be in our store to order.”

Caller: “Oh, then, can I ask questions about your food?”

Me: “Of course. Go right ahead.”

Caller: “Do you sell burgers?”

(I am silent for a second, as our restaurant has the word “burger” in the name.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do.”

Caller: “How big are your burgers?”

(This is a fairly common question, but since most customers are in the store when they ask, I usually give them an estimate with my hands.)

Me: “I don’t know the dimensions off the top of my head, but I can look them up for you.”

Caller: “Are they as big as the ones in India?”

Me: “I’ve never been to India, ma’am. I don’t know. If you give me a second, I can look it up for you.”

Caller: “Are your burgers made from cow?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Most of them.”

Caller: “That’s horrible! How dare you use cow in your burgers?! Those poor cows! In India all our burgers are made with vegetables!”

Me: *taken aback* “We do have a veggie burger, ma’am. And a chicken burger.”

Caller: “You have a veggie burger and a chicken burger? What about goat?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Caller: “Do you have a goat burger?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We don’t have a goat burger.”

Caller: “You don’t have a goat burger?! How could you not have a goat burger?! I’m going to take my business somewhere else!” *hangs up*