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What Part Of “LOL. NO.” Did You Not Understand?

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: jigglybilly | July 10, 2021

I’m selling a computer on a buy/sell app. I get an automated message containing the buyer’s offer.

Buyer: “I would like to buy your 12 Core Mac Pro, 48GB RAM for $125.00.”

Me: “LOL. NO.”

The buyer sends a shrugging emoji.

Buyer: “It’s outdated. If you change your mind, let me know.”

Me: “Maybe for a 1,1/2,1. Not a 4,1/5,1.”

Buyer: “How much would you really take?”

Me: “$500. Go find another dual CPU model for less.”

Buyer: “Stop it. Give me a realistic number that you would actually take.”

Me: “$500, dude. There isn’t another dual CPU 4,1/5,1 for less than $800 on the market. It’s priced low to move quickly.”

Buyer: “I’m trying to work with you here. I’ll do $300.”

Me: “Lol, no, you’re not. Do some research. Let me know when your budget increases.”

Buyer: “Yes, I am. We’re at a $200 difference. You can work with it.”

Me: “I take a $200 loss because some dude on [App] can’t increase his budget? I’ll make you a deal. You find another dual CPU 4,1/5,1 for $300 and I’ll consider it.”

Buyer: “It’s not a loss. You’re already selling it for less than market. I need you to decrease your budget. I have cash ready. Life is all about negotiations. It’s not a defeat on your side if you accept less than what you posted for.”

Me: “Yup, $500 is less than market, but it’s as low as I’m willing to go. I could ask even more for it, but I want it gone sooner. If you think you’re the only interested party, you’re mistaken, buddy. Go find $200 more and we will talk.”

Buyer: “[My Name], stop it. I’m trying to work with you here. Nobody ever said I’m the only interested party. They obviously offered you less than your $500 price; otherwise, it would be gone, right? Think about it, man. It’s not that bad. You get cash and you move on.”

Me: “Clearly, you need what I have since there aren’t many around, and there are zero priced anywhere near mine. I don’t have to accept less just because YOU think it’s worth less.”

Buyer: “I’ve asked twice for a number that you would actually take, other than the inflated $500 price.”

Me: “I actually have someone meeting me tomorrow around lunch to pick it up, and another when I get off work if they pass on it. You want it today? $500. Inflated? Dude, f*** off. It’s worth what it’s worth. Sorry your tiny budget can’t afford it. Go buy someone else’s.”

Buyer: “[My Name], you’re having a meltdown. There’s no need to get mad about it. I offered a price and you’re flipping out about it. Get a grip.”

Me: “LOL, I’m fine. More amused that you keep going on about it.”

Buyer: “Let’s do some business. Dude, nobody tells someone to f*** off if they are a normal person. At this point, I’m here offering you advice, which is worth way more than $500. You should be paying me. Dude, all I did was offer a price and you flipped out over it. I’m not even angry. I’m still trying to do business and get a realistic number. You basically melted down into a puddle of mush. Get a grip, regroup, and let’s figure this out. How about we meet in the middle? You’re at $500; I’m at $300. $400, we shake hands and call it a deal.”

Me: “I’m not haggling with you. You want it, $500. Take it or leave it.”

Buyer: “You’re only not willing to haggle because you’re going to take it as a personal defeat. Sad stuff, man.”

Me: “LOL. I’m not willing to haggle because it’s already well under market value and I’ve got two other people who want it. I’m in no rush, I ain’t desperate for money, but it’s worth what it’s worth.”

Buyer: “$400 and it’s a deal. Tonight.”

Me: “No deal. Good luck hunting!”

Buyer: “Ah, personal defeat. It’s not like that, [My Name].”

Me: “No. We are done here. Good luck.”

Buyer: “I hope you get help, man, honestly. Never seen someone flip out this hard.”

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