What Part Of “Leave Me Alone” Did You Not Understand?

I am at a coffee shop one afternoon when a man sits down with me. I look up from my book just long enough to see that there are plenty of empty tables around us.

The man grabs the top of my book and pulls it down to look at me.

Man: “Hi.”

I pull the book from his grasp and say nothing.

Man: “What’s up?”

Me: “I’m reading.”

Man: “Nice. What book?”

I tilt the book so he can see the cover.

Man: “You come here often?”

Me: “Still reading.”

Man: *Small laugh* “You seeing anyone?”

I hold up my left hand to show my wedding band.

Me: “Married, not interested. Still reading.”

Man: “Right on. Have you been together for a long time?”

I let out an exasperated sigh and glare at him over my book.

Man: “I just wanted to talk to you. That’s all.”

I go back to my book.

Me: “Please leave me alone.”

Man: “You have kids?”

I put down my book.

Me: “Oh, my God, dude. No. Leave me alone!”

Man: “A beautiful woman like you should be popping out babies like a Pez dispenser.” *Laughs*

I’m actually infertile because cancer claimed my reproductive abilities a few years back, but it’s none of his business.

Me: “If you don’t leave me the f*** alone, I’m going to throw this hot coffee in your face.”

Man: *Standing abruptly* “C***.”

He moved to another table and glared at me until I left.