What Part Of “DO NOT” Confuses You?

We have several signs around our property that say things like, “Do Not Enter,” “Beware of Dog,” “No Trespassing,” “If you can read this, you’re in range,” “No Soliciting,” “Smile, you’re on camera,” etc. It’s a farm. It’s rural. We have dogs, livestock, signs, cameras, guns, and a half-mile-long gravel driveway. We are NOT “solicitor-friendly.”

I noticed that the cameras were alerting on the driveway on occasion with a red sedan, maybe once a week or so. A guy would walk to the door, knock, and then leave when there was no answer. He never left a card or anything.

Usually, if I’m out on the property, on the tractor or working with animals or whatever, I’ll have a gun on my hip to deal with snakes or other wildlife.

One day, I was at the house. There was a knock, so I opened the door. I just got in for lunch and was wearing muck boots, flannel, dirty jeans… and a gun. A holstered gun that was never touched. Not once.

Me: *Matter-of-factly* “Can I help you?”

This poor lad turned five shades of white.

Man: “I- I’m s-s-so sorry t-to disturb y-you!”

And he retreated quicker than a rabbit.

Thirty minutes later, a local deputy knocked on the door.

Deputy: “We got a report that you pulled a gun and threatened someone who came here.”

He knew me and knew that wouldn’t happen unless unavoidably necessary. My cameras showed only outside the house, not anyone inside the house at the door, so they didn’t show me. My cameras did, however, show this dimwit blowing past multiple signs warning people not to enter the property and him doing so anyway. The officer laughed, we chatted a while, and he left.

There have been no further uninvited visitors, and I still don’t know what he wanted.