What Happens When You Write Checks Your Butt Can’t Cash

Many years ago, I worked on the consumer helpdesk for a local reseller. We had a lot of local contracts, but we also supported regular customers. One day, my phone rang.

Me: “Thanks for calling [Reseller] tech support. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

The caller asked if we had a piece of software. As I recall, it would help port users of Convergent Technologies Operating System into DOS/Windows 3.1. I also remember the price: $1,750. Further, it was intended to be installed in a Netware environment. As you might imagine, this was late in the last century, so the gist of the remaining conversation follows.

Caller: “Great! That’s what I need.”

I asked him for a method of payment.

Caller: “I just need you to install it and let me use it.”

Me: “On our servers?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “And then we put it back on the shelf? You want us to do that for free?”

Caller: “I need to port over the Office of the Commandant of the Coast Guard to DOS, and if I can’t use this software, I’m going to lose the contract and be sued.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir, but we can’t let non-employees on our system, and we sure can’t open up a software package for you.”

Caller: “You don’t understand! I’ll be sued for breach of contract if I can’t do this! Who do you have to talk to to make this happen?”

I put him on hold and talked to my manager, who looked at me like I had grown a second head before shaking his head.

Me: “Sir? My boss says we’re not going to do that.”

He couldn’t take that for an answer and demanded to speak with someone else. I gave him my vice president’s name and number and then gave the VP a heads-up call right after hanging up.

A few days later, that software package was still in our inventory.

The Office of the Commandant of the Coast Guard is important in helping me remember this story. A previous employer was a Convergent Technologies (CT) reseller and had sold a lot of CT services and systems to that office. It seems they were moving into the PC world, and this guy’s small minority-owned business won the contract to port that office into the wonderful world of DOS. I didn’t get the name of his business, but I strongly suspect they no longer existed before the year was out.