What Do We Do With A Fake Drunken Scotsman?

I am a senior manager at my company, and for the most part, I get on well with my colleagues. My company hires an eighteen-year-old kid as a general worker for a certain department. He has nothing to do with my role or department. I meet him briefly once or twice and he seems a little bit strange. Quickly, I hear on the grapevine that he’s been irritating some of his coworkers with some dumb antics.

Then, for no reason, [New Hire] begins to come into my office daily. Whenever he comes in, he never knocks, and then he begins talking in some weird, indecipherable voice and starts stumbling around comically. He then laughs and quickly runs out of my office.

At first, I brush it off as just odd, but after a few days of this, I finally lose patience and snap. 

Me: “LOOK, YOU LITTLE PRAT, I HAVE F****** WORK TO DO! WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

The kid looks as if he’s just been shot and quickly drains of colour. He then stands there awkwardly.

Me: “WHY DO YOU KEEP BARGING INTO MY OFFICE? CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY? WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

His bottom lip starts to quiver, and I’m worried he’s going to wet himself right there and then.

Me: “GO ON, GET OUT!”

He practically sprints out of the office. I email my superior to advise what has happened. Not long afterward, I get a call from the kid’s manager. 

Manager: “[My Name], what on earth happened between you and [New Hire]? He’s claiming that you threatened to punch him, and now he’s going around saying you want to fight him in the car park after work and he’s asking people to back him up! What is going on?”

Me: “No, that’s not at all what happened. He keeps randomly coming to my office, speaking in a strange voice, and stumbling around. Frankly, he’s been a pain in the a** all week! I told him off and advised him that he get lost and go back to work. I never threatened him.”

Manager: “Sorry… You said he’s been bothering you all week?”

Me: “Yes, I didn’t want to disturb you, and I know he’s new, but this is getting out of hand.”

Manager: “Hmmm… He definitely didn’t mention that part! He’s been causing a few issues here; I’ve had to have words with him a few times. He seems to think he’s hilarious and that everyone loves his pranks. I will have a talk and get back to you. Sorry about this.”

A couple of hours later, I get another phone call from [Manager].

Manager: “Okay… I have no idea where the h*** this one started! His excuse was that he ‘thought you were Scottish,’ so apparently, his stumbling around your office was him impersonating a drunk Scotsman! He seemed to think you’d find it funny! No idea where the h*** he got this one from, especially with your accent.”

I have a very posh, southern English accent that is impossible to be mistaken for Scottish. I laugh heavily at this one. 

Me: “You’re kidding me, really?”

Manager: “I told him that, regardless of your nationality, what he did was heavily unprofessional and immature. Human Resources will have a talk with him, but it’s been made clear that he’s on thin ice now. I’ve made it clear that he’s banned from entering any offices without permission from me first. I really do apologize about this one. No idea what he was thinking.”

Every time I saw that kid after, he would scamper away like I was on fire. He didn’t last long at the company as his poor work combined with his annoying behaviour didn’t endear him to the company.