What Are You Doing For Me?

(My husband and I witness this exchange as we’re getting a sub to split at a local grocery store. They are offering eight pieces of fried chicken for $6.99, and the offer includes two breasts, two thighs, two drumsticks, and two wings. A customer comes up to the deli counter and the following happens:)

Customer: “I want to get your eight-piece chicken, and give me all breasts. I don’t want none of them other pieces. Ain’t enough meat on ’em.”

Deli Manager: “Ma’am, we only offer the deal as listed. We can’t change the pieces, as the breasts are more expensive.”

Customer: “I don’t see where it says nothin’ like that.”

Deli Manager: *pointing to one of several prominently-displayed signs that list the details of the chicken deal* “Ma’am, we have signs listed in several areas in the deli department detailing what you get.”

Customer: *trying another tactic* “Well, the last guy that was workin’ here did it for me.”

Deli Manager: “No employee of this store is allowed to alter the contents of the fried chicken special. If they did so in the past, they did so in error.”

Customer: *getting desperate* “Aw, come on! I don’t never have this problem anywhere else. [Chicken Restaurant #1] does it for me, [Chicken Restaurant #2] does it for me, and [Chicken Restaurant #3] does it for me…”

(As she’s going through a rather lengthy list of fast-food chicken places that supposedly accommodate her need for chicken breasts, I’m rather admiring her tenacity. Then it goes off the rails a bit.)

Customer: “[Burger Joint #1] does it for me, [Burger Joint #2] does it for me, [Sandwich Shop] does it for me, [Burger Joint #3] does it for me, [Taco Place] does it for me…”

(She continues to list restaurants that have never, EVER to my knowledge served fried whole pieces of chicken. Eventually, her embarrassed husband begins to walk away from her, and it’s not long before she gives up the fight and follows. But as she’s leaving we can still hear her arguing with her husband…)

Customer: “But I know [Pizza Delivery Place] did it for me that one time!”

(I look at the exasperated deli manager and, with a huge smile on my face, I say:)

Me: “Can you give us a free sub? I’m sure [Coffee Shop] would do it for us!”