What Are Jew Talking About?!

(My mother-in-law believes that just because an item is on sale or on clearance that the item must be defective in some way or another. She and my father-in-law always had a really good income during their working years so money has never been an object. They are also Jewish — my mother-in-law converted when she married my father-in-law — and they have some very odd views about what “proper” Jews do. I am a Methodist who grew up in poverty but my mother taught me how to be really good shopper. I also used to work as a buyer for a large chain of liquidation stores so I know how clearance sales work. The following exchange happens when I am shopping at a major department store with my mother-in-law.)

Me: *seeing a 90%-off clearance rack of women’s clothing and outerwear* “Hey, [Mother-In-Law], let me check out that clearance rack; you never know what you can find on a clearance rack.”

(I start looking at the items and I find a gorgeous, classic-styled wool coat that retailed for $300 on clearance for $30. I grab it and try it on. It fits really well so I put it over my arm and look more at the clearance rack.)

Mother-In-Law: “I can’t believe that you are going to buy that piece of trash! It’s marked down that much because there is something really wrong with it! It’s probably coated with chemicals that are going to give you cancer.”

(She is a stereotypical neurotic mother and one of her paranoias is being exposed to chemicals.)

Me: “No, [Mother-In-Law], the reason it is on clearance is that it is simply what remained unsold after the winter clothing season ended.” *it is currently June* “Retailers purchase goods in lots, let’s say 100 items for this coat. Sometimes retailers don’t sell everything that they order by the time that the selling season for the item is over. The retailer progressively marks down the remainders until they are sold. Any items left over after the retailer has marked down the items to 90% or more are generally sold to secondary market retailers such as the liquidation retailer that I used to work for. The items aren’t marked down because the item is bad. It is just a remainder.”

Mother-In-Law: “But Jewish people don’t shop clearance sales because it is really tacky to buy something off of a clearance rack! Plus, there has to be something wrong with it for it to be on a clearance rack.”

Me: “Did you not hear what I just said? This coat is a classic wardrobe piece, anyway, and I need a nice coat to wear to meet clients in the winter. Anyway, my mother taught me to never pass up a good clearance rack because you never know what you might find.”

Mother-In-Law: “But why would you buy something off of a clearance rack if you can afford to pay full price for it?”

Me: “Uh, because I will have more money for other things by saving $270 on the coat.”

Mother-In-Law: “But it’s not our way to buy things off of a clearance rack! You need to convert to Judaism like I did so you can be just like me and learn how to buy things for full price!”

Me: “I am going to pay for this and then drive you straight home because you are making this shopping trip miserable.”

(My mother-in-law started screaming at me about how I was “disrespecting” the family legacy by shopping clearance sales and she made the drive back to her house miserable. I didn’t speak to her for several weeks.)