What About The Slightly-Vexed Chicken?

, , , , , | Learning | July 23, 2018

(In our sophomore year of high school, we have to take Driver’s Ed classroom instruction for one of the four quarters in our P.E. class. Mostly, we watch educational films on the topic and then discuss them. Some mornings, our teacher will come in with an anecdote to share of some horrible thing he witnessed during his morning commute.)

Teacher: “All right class, today I have a very important lesson for you. This is possibly the most important one I will ever teach, so pay attention!”

(We all sit up a little straighter.)

Teacher: “If, for some reason, you are ever in a situation where another driver is confronting you outside your vehicles, DON’T. DO. The ANGRY. CHICKEN!”

Classmate: “The what?”

Teacher: “You know, the Angry Chicken.” *suddenly thrusts his chest out, palms forward, but with his hands down and behind him* “What? WHAT?! You know, like that. The Angry Chicken.”

Classmate #2: “Why not?”

Teacher: “Because it’s stupid. Not only do you look like an idiot, but you’re going to piss the other guy off, and your hands are all the way back here, where they can’t do any good. He’s going to knock you flat before you can do a thing about it.”

Classmate #3: “So, what should we do, then?”

Teacher: “Ideally, not get into a confrontation outside your car. But, if needs must, keep your hands up and in front of you, so can actually block a punch if he throws one.” *brings his hands up about a foot in front of and to either side of his face, palms toward himself* “What? WHAT?! Like that.”

(It’s been more than a decade since I took his class, but I will never forget that one lesson: don’t do the Angry Chicken!)

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