What A Total Pitch

(I am the late-night manager and cook at a restaurant which also has a really good “dive” bar. One guy gives his credit card and orders for everyone. I am sitting at the bar and listening to him interacting with my bartender.)

Patron: “Can I have a pitcher of [Beer]?”

Bartender: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have drafts. We only have bottles.”

Patron: “But you do have pitchers, right?”

Bartender: “Yeah.”

Patron: “Can I have a pitcher of [Beer]?”

Bartender: “We don’t have beer on tap.”

Patron: “But you do have pitchers, right?”

Bartender: “But…”

Patron: “Why can’t you give me a pitcher of beer?”

Bartender: *fed up* “Okay, whatever.”

(The bartender proceeds to open bottles of said beer, pour it into a pitcher, and hand it over to the patron.)

Patron: “See, that was easy. You could have done that a long time ago and saved us time.”

(The patron comes back a while later.)

Patron: “Can I have pitcher of Long Island Iced Tea?”

(The bartender gives me a confused, “help me” look.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t serve cocktails by the pitcher.”

Patron: *turning towards bartender* “Can I have a pitcher of Irish whiskey?”

(The bartender proceeded to slam his head on the bar.)