What A Lady, What A Night

CONTENT WARNING: This story contains details of a medical nature – it should not be taken as medical advice.

(I’m standing in line and overhear this conversation between a beautiful middle-aged woman and the photo clerk.)

Clerk: “Unfortunately, we are unable to print all of your photos. Some of them are in violation of our content policy.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. All I took pictures of was a trip to Busch Gardens and then my son’s birthday party. What could be so inappropriate?”

Clerk: “Were you at some point singing karaoke?”

(The customers face goes from confusion, to understanding, to embarrassment, and finally to barely controlled rage.)

Customer: “I will be right back.”

(The customer goes down the aisle and begins grabbing a few additional items.)

Clerk: *to me* “She was naked. Pretty hot for an older lady.”

(The customer returns with her new items and makes a phone call while the clerk processes the transaction.)

Customer: *sweetly on the phone* “Oh, honey, you have been working so hard and have been so good to me. I am making you an amazing dinner. Can you pick up some makings for some cocktails on the way home? I am going to give you a night you will never forget! Love you, bye!”

(As she says this, I notice the new items she’s buying: a sports drink, anti-diarrhea medicine, and a giant bottle of contact lens solution–the latter of which can give people diarrhea. The clerk finishes the transaction and the customer gives us the most evil grin right before she walks out.)

Clerk: “Hopefully, she won’t let him suffer too long…”