What A Conehead

(I work nights at a gas station and I’m usually on my own. One night, though, I have the company of a contractor who has been asked to repair the fraying vinyl flooring. This means that we can’t let any customers into the store for safety reasons, and since customers need to come into the store to pay for their fuel, we have to shut the pumps down, as well. I go out and put “out of order” signs on all the pumps, I put bright orange cones across both entrances/exits, and place a sign on the door advising customers that we will be closed for an hour or so whilst the floors are being repaired.)

Me: *to the repairman* “With no customers around, I will be able to give the coffee and slushie machines a thorough clean.”

Repairman: *chuckles* “People will still try and come in. Trust me; I’ve been doing this for years.”

(I don’t believe him; with the door sign, out of order signs on the pumps, and orange cones across the entrances? Surely not. But he is right. We get a few night-owl customers who come on foot as they live nearby and they buy late-night snacks and cheap pastries just before we throw them out for the day. Despite the sign on the door, there are a few who still bang on the doors wanting to come in.)

Customer #1: “Can I come in?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, it’s dangerous. The floor is being fixed; you can’t walk on it.

Customer #1: “I just want a slushie and a box of donuts.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I can’t let you in.”

Customer #1: “Can you bring me some, then? I’ll tell you my PIN number; you can swipe my card!”

Me: “No.”

(They leave in a huff. But what tops off my night is the customer who taps on the window next to the counter where I am restocking the cigarettes and calls out:)

Customer #2: “Your fuel pumps aren’t working!”

(I look at him incredulously. I’m not sure I’ve heard right.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer #2: “None of your fuel pumps are working. I’ve tried them all!”

Me: “I know, sir, we’re closed for an hour or so for maintenance. That’s why the ‘Out of Order’ signs are on them.”

Customer #2: “Oh… okay. I was wondering about those signs.”

Me: *can’t resist asking* “How did you get your car in here? I put cones across the entrances.”

Customer #2: *looking at me as though I am an idiot* “I just moved them to the side and drove in. Simple.”

(I shake my head in disbelief as the man gets back in his car and drives away. I am amused when he stops his car just after he drives out of the parking lot, gets out, puts the orange cones back across the exit, hops back in his car, and drives off. I glance at the floor guy who is chuckling under his breath.)

Repairman: “I told you so!”